We all get hurt. It's inevitable. Sometimes it's that sharp, blindsiding pain that comes out of nowhere. When a person or situation goes completely left-field and you're left stunned. Other times, it's more like a dull ache that we carry with us over the course of days, weeks, months, or even years. We should probably get it checked out, but we choose to ignore it because we haven't yet reached the breaking point. Something definitely doesn't feel right, but it's not ALL wrong, so there's no reason to stir the pot.
But why DON'T we stir the pot? Why do we allow ourselves to continue on in friendships or relationships, leaving our most pressing concerns unvoiced? I think we fool ourselves into believing that if the hurt doesn't blindside us, if it doesn't come all at once and leave us stunned, it doesn't really hurt that bad. We think that by being able to spot the issues from a distance, by being able to find, track, and expect them over and over again, we can deal with them when they get out of hand. If we can see it coming, we think "oh, I'll be alright" if anything should ever go wrong. But consider this:
Often times, we will NEVER make sense out of the choices of those who hurt us. No matter how long you stick around or how well you can predict that person's behavior down to the letter, when you are rejected, insulted, or abandoned by someone you love, trust, or maybe just wanted to love or trust, you will most likely not be able, despite your best efforts, to make sense of the things they did. And you will not feel less devastated purely because you saw it coming. If anything, you may feel worse: In addition to being lied to, cheated on, unappreciated, or mistreated, you will have to swallow the pill that it was YOU who kept yourself in that situation.
I find that trying to rationalize a person's actions usually causes more damage than clarity. Think about it. When we actively try to convince ourselves that something is okay, or try to justify a person's mistreatment simply because we care about them, there's always a part of us that's saying, "Girl, you know you trippin'..." If you can't rationalize to YOURSELF why you continue to give chance after chance, if you can't justify your OWN actions, how on earth can you expect to be satisfied with the rationalizations or justifications of the one who has hurt you? My point is that when you are hurt by someone, it doesn't MATTER why they did what they did. Of course, this is not to suggest that you don't look at all sides of a situation and try to evaluate, but, if a friendship or relationship has reached the breaking point, you KNOW it. No amount of investigating or hearing them out is going to make you feel that the pain you have suffered was a fair trade. Even if you do somehow get to the bottom of their reasoning, you will not find peace in knowing their motivations. You will not obtain closure from hearing an explanation, because at the end of the day, you would not have done to them what they did to you--and that is very difficult to make peace with.
That's why I believe that trying to dissect the reasons why someone hurt you will cause you more pain in the long run than just crying it out, and then fighting like HELL to get yourself together. When someone (or something) puts us through hurt that leaves us fragmented in little pieces, we try to pick them up and put them back together in a way that makes sense. Sometimes, we may just need to pick them up and move on.
-Kenziekenzz <3
No comments:
Post a Comment