Monday Mantra - Just pick up the pieces

We all get hurt.  It's inevitable.  Sometimes it's that sharp, blindsiding pain that comes out of nowhere.  When a person or situation goes completely left-field and you're left stunned.  Other times, it's more like a dull ache that we carry with us over the course of days, weeks, months, or even years.  We should probably get it checked out, but we choose to ignore it because we haven't yet reached the breaking point.  Something definitely doesn't feel right, but it's not ALL wrong, so there's no reason to stir the pot.

But why DON'T we stir the pot?  Why do we allow ourselves to continue on in friendships or relationships, leaving our most pressing concerns unvoiced? I think we fool ourselves into believing that if the hurt doesn't blindside us, if it doesn't come all at once and leave us stunned, it doesn't really hurt that bad.  We think that by being able to spot the issues from a distance, by being able to find, track, and expect them over and over again, we can deal with them when they get out of hand.  If we can see it coming, we think "oh, I'll be alright" if anything should ever go wrong. But consider this:

Often times, we will NEVER make sense out of the choices of those who hurt us.  No matter how long you stick around or how well you can predict that person's behavior down to the letter, when you are rejected, insulted, or abandoned by someone you love, trust, or maybe just wanted to love or trust, you will most likely not be able, despite your best efforts, to make sense of the things they did.  And you will not feel less devastated purely because you saw it coming.  If anything, you may feel worse:  In addition to being lied to, cheated on, unappreciated, or mistreated, you will have to swallow the pill that it was YOU who kept yourself in that situation.

 I find that trying to rationalize a person's actions usually causes more damage than clarity.  Think about it.  When we actively try to convince ourselves that something is okay, or try to justify a person's mistreatment simply because we care about them, there's always a part of us that's saying, "Girl, you know you trippin'..."  If you can't rationalize to YOURSELF why you continue to give chance after chance, if you can't justify your OWN actions, how on earth can you expect to be satisfied with the rationalizations or justifications of the one who has hurt you? My point is that when you are hurt by someone, it doesn't MATTER why they did what they did.  Of course, this is not to suggest that you don't look at all sides of a situation and try to evaluate, but, if a friendship or relationship has reached the breaking point, you KNOW it.  No amount of investigating or hearing them out is going to make you feel that the pain you have suffered was a fair trade.  Even if you do somehow get to the bottom of their reasoning, you will not find peace in knowing their motivations. You will not obtain closure from hearing an explanation, because at the end of the day, you would not have done to them what they did to you--and that is very difficult to make peace with.

That's why I believe that trying to dissect the reasons why someone hurt you will cause you more pain in the long run than just crying it out, and then fighting like HELL to get yourself together.  When someone (or something) puts us through hurt that leaves us fragmented in little pieces, we try to pick them up and put them back together in a way that makes sense.  Sometimes, we may just need to pick them up and move on.

-Kenziekenzz <3

Monday Mantra -- Be Consistent (weight loss strug life)

I love me an inspirational quote.  Soooo today kicks off the first of a series I call "Monday Mantras."  Basically, I want to start each week with a mantra or quote, or just a random motivational thought.  If you're like me, Monday is definitely the day of the week where you could use a little extra motivation!

The "Monday Mantra" posts may or may not be connected to an anecdote from my life.  Today's mantra:  BE CONSISTENT.  Context:  my weight loss journey...

As I sit here, fresh off a week-long vacation full of swimming, tanning, and general laying around, the LAST thing I want to do is go to the gym -___-.  I've spent the majority of the day sitting at my desk, rationalizing to myself why I don't need to workout today.  My internal dialogue: 

A:  "Girl, you were sooooo good at lunch today! Look at chuuu, eating just that baked chicken and that water!" *praise dance*

B:  "...and those chips..."

A:  "Yeah, but it balances out, I'm pretty sure." 

It's days like this that are the most difficult to find work out motivation.  Sometimes, my dreams of having a body like Beyoncé trump my desire not to go to the gym.  More often than not, however, it is my love of staying in bed and not sweating out my edges that emerges victorious.  

Just when I had practically convinced myself that it was okay to skip the day's workout, I came across these two quotes:  

* "If you want to control the direction of your life, you must consistently make good decisions. It's not what you do once in a while that has an impact on the direction of your life--it's what you do consistently.  Make decisions today about how you are going to live in the years to come.  For your decisions to really make a difference in your life, it's imperative to decide what results you're committed to--and know specifically how these results will transform your life. It's equally critical to decide what kind of person you're committed to becoming.  Get clear about what you want to be, do and have, and what your life will be like after you accomplish this.  With that clarity, you'll find it becomes easier to make the kinds of decisions that will move you in the direction you desire." --Anthony Robbins 

* "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.  Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.  Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education will not; the world is full of educated failures.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." --Calvin Coolidge 

These quotes were so perfect; it's like the universe might as well have just b*tch-slapped me with my running shoes.  In all seriousness, the words in both of these quotes really resonated with me.  I have to accept the fact that I'm probably not going to wake up everyday and magically want to skip off to the gym.  I'm probably not going to suddenly hate all of my favorite foods.  BUT, I'm also not going to wake up slimmer or healthier.  These quotes have reminded me that I need to train my MIND just as much as my body.  I can't focus on the hour or so of "OH MA GAWDDD, I hate life. What evil person invented the treadmill?!?!"  Instead, I have to focus on the end goals:  increased health, self esteem, and all around sexiness, of course.  It'll get easier, but only if I stick with it.  That means that TODAY is workout day, not tomorrow or the next day.  

Though I've chosen to relate these quotes to my weight loss journey, they clearly speak to so much more than that.  Persistence and consistency are the key to achieving anything we want out of life.  Continuing to go to the gym even when the pounds aren't dropping off.  Continuing to submit job applications even when the offers aren't rolling in.  If you work your hardest toward something, you might not get it.  But if you don't put in anything at all, you'll damn sure be coming back empty-handed.  

Remember your reasons and keep going! <3